What the pshrink said

[enitharmon]

I went to see the counsellor at my GP's surgery this morning. It was our second meeting - I asked to be referred to her when I learned that the surgery had a counsellor again, as there are lots of issues in my past (bullying, abuse) that still need resolving. I feel I've had a raw deal from the NHS in this area and I can't afford private psychotherapy.

Typically, I can only have six sessions, which is worse than useless. Already two of the six have gone and we haven't got much beyond where I hope to go with it. One of my gripes is that my perception is that if you are intelligent and articulate, the NHS sees you as the bottom of the heap (and have to be punished for grinding the noble workers under my boot!)

What I'm trying to address is my feeling of self-worth (or more accurately my lack thereof). And my sense that whatever I have to offer is not valued by the rest of the world. Some people do value what I have to offer, of course, but for some reason it's people with no power that do, whereas those with power (to offer me a job, to publish my novel, and so on) don't. I brought up some of the bizarre paraoxes of my life, such as the senior director with Kensington & Chelsea Council who thought I was the best speaker he'd heard in the Chamber in thirty years - but not once was I ever asked to speak in a public platform. And there were the things that have hurt more recently, like nobody being much interested in my radio appearances, while the appearances of others are regarded as major events.

I wish I could get all this crap sorted out.

Comments

[lyzzybee.livejournal.com]

Don't forget how excited people were about your run and all the sponsorship money you made! And i think people were interested in your radio appearances, I recall people wishing you luck on BCUK etc. Maybe you came across as capable and not fazed about them, so you just got people wishing you luck and trying to listen in, and not the other stuff that those of us who are rubbish at such things need!

[angelchild.livejournal.com]

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Dont get me started on the NHS *mutter grumble*.....especially Mental Health issues, its bloody appalling!!!!

I have to be honest and put my hand up and say that i didnt hear you on the radio, but only because of the time.....but then i miss everyone when theyre on as i forget :o( I do however go and listen afterwards if there is a "Listen Again" option....

You come across as so strong and capable Rosie, perhaps people just see that! My mum said to me once when i moaned about the fact that she never asks me how i am, never calls and fluffs around my sister...."Oh, well i know you're ok so i dont need to worry about you!".... Sometimes, putting on a front in public (i know as i do it lol) backfires a bit :o(

[katie1980.livejournal.com]

Nowt much to say, but have loads of {{hugs}} and I hope the pshrink can help a bit.
If it helps, I think it's like Liz and Vikki have said - it's not that we're not interested in your radio appearances, far from it, but it's more that they're difficult to listen to because of the lack of listen again (as I understand it). I've only managed to listen to *one* appearance on the radio, and that's only cos Sam sent it to me on CD! And I've hardly seen any of Chris' stuff from TV, though I tried to record it all for Elham Isabel as she can't watch it in Germany. I'm not great with managing to keep up with stuff like that :( But it certainly isn't 'cos I'm not interested!

Look after yourself, Rosie, and I hope that today is a better day for you :)
{{more hugs}}

[semioticghosts.livejournal.com]

There is actualy scope in very short interventions [3-5 sessions] to make a difference to how somebody feels; this is the principle that solution focussed therapy is based on. So you could continue giving the counselling a shot - the person who helped me most was a counsellor whom I saw once a month for a while to stretch the numbers of sessions we could get away with. We both did our homework and the end result made a real difference to me.

I know from my own experience that it can be really difficult to interact with someone who is permanently angry at the world (I used to be, and it wrecked havock with some of the therapists I saw). I mention this, because sometimes you come across like that (just my view) and you are so articulate and charismatic that people, including professionals, may fail to see past this to the genuine needs you've got.

That said, I'm biased - I'm not good at coping with angry people I care about and might just not say or point out something that's difficult, because I'm overcautious and avoid making people angry nearly at all cost. As I write this, I worry about you feeling patronised or not taken seriously for me having written this, when it's the last thing I want you to feel.

[swanofkennet.livejournal.com]

No, I don't feel at all patronised or not taken seriously. I'm really happy that you've taken the time to comment honestly.

I know what you mean about being angry with the world, and that's what I'm trying to address. What I don't get is the idea of me being charismatic - I tend to think I have the charisma of a boiled cabbage, which is why I am insignificant and invisible despite my talents!