The Book of Enitharmon

My text for today is taken from Real Men by Joe Jackson:

You don't want to sound dumb, don't want to offend
So don't call me a faggot, not unless you are a friend

Yesterday I was filled with a mixture of amusement and incredulity as the saga of the bleeping out of the word 'faggot' in a well-known Christmas pop song on BBC Radio 1 unfolded. Oddly, the word 'arse' wasn't bleeped out four words later, the intervening three words being "merry christmas my". Even more oddly, the words 'arse' and 'faggot' (in it's meaning in this context) aren't often seen in each other's company, belonging as they do to different continents. Nobody outside Radio 1 management had a good word to say for the decision. Even inside the BBC, Radio 4 was reporting with amusement and playing the offending passage unbleeped. Fortunately, a red-faced Controller of Radio 1 had reversed the decision by tea-time to save even more embarrassment.

And now, this morning, we have Peter Tatchell in the Guardian being absurdist about it. Heaven help us!

Me, I can't see what's not to like about Fairy Tale of New York; it's my favourite amongst the ubiquitous seasonal evergreens and the one most free from the false and shallow sentiments that spoil the offerings of Holder, Wood and others. Apparently, though, some people really can't stand it. I wonder why?

'Tis the season to set about making the little bits of goodies. There's a cake to be marzipanned and iced, and there's that traditional rich treat of this part of the world, rum butter.

Both marzipan and rum butter are simple to make, and much, much better than ready-prepared-and-chemically-preserved products available in supermarkets.



For marzipan you need:

500 g ground almonds
250 g icing sugar
1 large egg
3 tsps lemon juice

That's all. No artificial flavouring, no yellow chemical dye. Note that this marzipan is a delicate straw colour, not bright yellow.

Mix almonds and sugar in a bowl. Beat the egg, and add the lemon juice. Add the egg and lemon mixture to the bowl and mix to a stiff dough. Knead the dough on a board dusted with icing sugar. Use as required.

Lovers of The Amber Spyglass know very well just how orgasmic marzipan can be! (Well, they do if they have read the British edition rather than the American one.)



Rum butter is even easier. You need:

250 g butter (unsalted, natch!)
500 g soft brown sugar (light or dark is immaterial but I prefer dark)
1 generous slosh of rum (I use Appleton's Jamaica Rum but any dark rum will do at a pinch. White rum, like Bacardi, is of course rubbish)
nutmeg

Melt the butter in a pan. Stir in the sugar. Slosh in the rum (I find about two shot glasses is about right if I'm being really fussy). Grate nutmeg into the mix to taste (pre-grated nutmeg is naff). Pour into a bowl and leave in a cool place to set. Keep your grubby fingers out of it!

[Poll #893061]

I seem to have rather a lot of pudding this year! Triplets, each of them bigger than most shop-bought ones.

The Christmas box contains:

• leeks
  
• mushrooms (for breakfast fry-ups)
  
• cavalo nero (my real food discovery of 2005)
  
• tomatoes
  
• lettuce
  
• brussels sprouts on the stalk (eugh!)
  
• a bunch of fresh rosemary (a bit of a waste as I normally get this from local gardens at dead of night)
  
• apples (three large ones)
  
• oranges
  
• bananas
  
• tangerines
  
• one bar of Coton's milk chocolate
  
• one bar of Coton's plain chocolate
  
• one Christmas pudding

I'm off to ice a cake and make rum butter now.