enitharmon (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
enitharmon) wrote2006-02-20 08:40 pm
enitharmon) wrote2006-02-20 08:40 pm
Entry tags:
More dumping
I'm being very introspective, between tears, at the moment, and dumping some more might help.
Fifteen years ago, when I was a member of Kensington & Chelsea Council, a colleague mentioned to me that Graham Pike, a senior council officer, had said that he thought I was the best speaker he'd heard in the council chamber in twenty years. And therein lies one of the paradoxes that I just can't fathom. For not once was I ever invited to lead on any of the major portfolios even though I put myself up for them. I got Libraries & Arts to keep me out of mischief but on the one occasion I got to lead on this in full council I got openly contradicted by colleagues. So much for collective responsibility. Nor was I ever invited to speak on a public platform. It took me six attempts to get my seat - in my 1990 intake I was the only one to have had more than one go at getting adopted as a candidate. Clearly I wasn't clever enough or a good enough speaker.
When I was an Open University student the students' association were forever crying out for volunteers to sit on university committees. I volunteered but was only ever given the very minor committees - the U-Area Sub, for example. Eventually I did get to sit on the one that I had asked for, which came with a Senate seat and which was in my area of expertise - the Joint Academic Computing Committee. And that was only after Academic Computing had ceased to be a major issue for OUSA. And OUSA left unfilled its allocated places on the Academic Board, the University's engine room, rather than allow me to take up one of them even though there was little or no competition. Clearly I was not only not clever enough, but too stupid to be trusted to speak for the Association.
In twenty-three years of being a Quaker, I have never once been asked to be a clerk or an elder or an overseer, something that is routinely offered to members after a couple of years, either nationally or locally. Once again I'm found wanting, evidently.
I want to be asked to speak on public platforms, and to give seminars at conferences. But it never happens. I like to serve on committees but I never get asked. My offers of help are ignored and when I draw attention to this I'm chewed up (as happened with the Unconvention).
Sometimes I really do despair.
Fifteen years ago, when I was a member of Kensington & Chelsea Council, a colleague mentioned to me that Graham Pike, a senior council officer, had said that he thought I was the best speaker he'd heard in the council chamber in twenty years. And therein lies one of the paradoxes that I just can't fathom. For not once was I ever invited to lead on any of the major portfolios even though I put myself up for them. I got Libraries & Arts to keep me out of mischief but on the one occasion I got to lead on this in full council I got openly contradicted by colleagues. So much for collective responsibility. Nor was I ever invited to speak on a public platform. It took me six attempts to get my seat - in my 1990 intake I was the only one to have had more than one go at getting adopted as a candidate. Clearly I wasn't clever enough or a good enough speaker.
When I was an Open University student the students' association were forever crying out for volunteers to sit on university committees. I volunteered but was only ever given the very minor committees - the U-Area Sub, for example. Eventually I did get to sit on the one that I had asked for, which came with a Senate seat and which was in my area of expertise - the Joint Academic Computing Committee. And that was only after Academic Computing had ceased to be a major issue for OUSA. And OUSA left unfilled its allocated places on the Academic Board, the University's engine room, rather than allow me to take up one of them even though there was little or no competition. Clearly I was not only not clever enough, but too stupid to be trusted to speak for the Association.
In twenty-three years of being a Quaker, I have never once been asked to be a clerk or an elder or an overseer, something that is routinely offered to members after a couple of years, either nationally or locally. Once again I'm found wanting, evidently.
I want to be asked to speak on public platforms, and to give seminars at conferences. But it never happens. I like to serve on committees but I never get asked. My offers of help are ignored and when I draw attention to this I'm chewed up (as happened with the Unconvention).
Sometimes I really do despair.